Total Recall: A Wydeopen review (2/5 Stars)

Film: Total Recall
Studio: Original Films
Cast: Colin Ferrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Beil, Bryan Cranston, John Cho, Bill Nighy
Rating:PG-13
Running Time: 118 Minutes

Twenty two years ago there was a fairly successful movie that takes place in the not-so-distant dystopian future where a person can purchase artificial memories as a sort of virtual vacation. The film starred Arnold Schwarzenegger as Quaid, a bored blue collar worker who partakes in the procedure only for things to go predictably wrong. Soon enough Quaid doesn't know what is real and who he can trust.

I go into so much detail about a movie originally released a generation ago because sadly in this era of Hollywood remakes, reboots and re-imagnings the studio has practically just (re)released the exact same movie.

From the opening the 2012 version is (with very few un-notable differences) a poor scene for scene imitation of the original which was really only remarkable for the special effects.

The terrible acting in the original has  improved to unremarkable performances from the entire cast. This is especially disappointing in the case of multiple Emmy winner Bryan Cranston who unbelievably plays the main bad guy.

I'm sure there will be fans of the original that will appreciate what could be interpreted as homages to the iconic images throughout this film but I doubt they'll be forgiving of the awkward stop-n-go pacing of the plot. It alternates between furious breakneck extended action/fight sequences to extended snail paced dialogue exchanges. Its worth noting that the original was so over the top with its continuous gratuitous violence that it had to be reedited before receiving a R rating whereas this PG-13 film borders on dull and boring.

Of all the films this year that I was skeptical of (Battleship, Wrath of the Titans, Men In Black 3) this unnesecerry remake worried me the least yet disappointed me the most. You would think that a 2012 movie remaking what some call a groundbreaking-special effects sci-fi-classic would bring more to the table than the supposed gravity defying properties of a ridiculous blue collar transport called "The Fall" (It's literally a shaft that passes through the core of the planet.)

Ultimately this movie is the theatrical equivalent of a bad karaoke performance of a song from the 90s like "Margaritaville" or "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls.